10. JOLIE LIPS - Aptly named after infamous Saint, Celebrity, Superstar, Queen of the World, Angelina Jolie, this device is no ordinary lip gloss or injection that plumps up your lips. It's a lip pump that claims to dramatically increase lip size without costing you a fortune!
MeThinks: B+, Not too shabby!
PROS:
Actually plumps lips about 1.5 times the natural sizeLasts 1 to 5 hoursGood alternative if you can't afford lip injectionsMore dramatic than plumping lip glossesCONS:
Temporary effectLip injections can increase lip size a lot more for a fuller, sexier pout, and they last monthsBruising around lips if you suction often - can look like you did something seriously naughty or someone punched you in the face9. NOOGLEBERRY - Another pump! But this one's for your boobs! This device, the younger and quirkier sister of the BRAVA system (which, by the way doesn't work as well), has some devoted followers who claim that using the noogleberry daily for several hours a day - or noogling - has increased their breast cup size from an AA to a D! (cue: jaw drops to the floor) Yes, you read that correctly: an AA cup to a D.
For all you men - Noogleberry has a Penis Pump too!
MeThinks: A, It works!
PROS:
Breast size can be increased dramatically (over 3 cup sizes)Effect is long lasting - can last days, weeks, or even months if you stop pumping (although may shrink slightly)No need for a boob job, a.k.a. no knives or injectionsMuch cheaper than a boob jobCONS:
Very time consuming - must be noogling several hours a day, everyday; and you won't get a very good night sleep if you're wearing it at nightTemporary - the effect will slowly decrease, but you'll still have a bigger cup size than you started off; boob jobs are permanentCan cause pain to area around breast, especially if your skinnyCups cause a red line around your boobs, for some this is long lasting8. FROWNIES - Ahah! Finally, botox in a box! These facial patches can be applied to your skin to reduce wrinkles. Just wet your skin, and apply the patch!
MeThinks: C+, Not so great.
PROS:
Work moderately well - For those wrinkles that have just formed or are minimal, these work. They can also prevent wrinkles from occurring.No injections, knives, pain, or tow-trucks involvedMuch cheaper than botox (meaning you don't have to sell a kidney for up-keep)CONS
Effects are temporary - obviously doesn't last months like botoxMust wear them for atleast 3 hours - I mean seriously, who wants to walk around with a band-aid like thing... or show up in bed with someone wearing these? Baby you got wrinkles? Real sexy... Doesn't work as well as botox - especially if you've got deep wrinkles, don't waste your money.7. NOSE SECRET - Can't afford rhinoplasty? No worries! Nose Secret can fix it! These nose clips claim they're an "instant nose correction that works!"
MeThinks: C, Skip it.
PROS
Work for some noses, i.e. droopy ones - can lift up your noseCheaper than rhinoplastyCONS
Doesn't stay on well - slides aroundRhinoplasty offers more permanent and refined alteration to your noseMight damage or cause pain to your boogar barrier a.k.a. nose6. TUNG BRUSH - This baby claims to cure bad breath. Quite a big claim there, honey. But seriously though - bad breath or not, everyone should clean their tongues.
MeThinks: A-, Get it, for hygeine's sake.
PROS:
Cleans your tongue wellCan eliminate odors coming from your tongueComes with a gel to use on your tongue as wellCONS:
I mean, technically, you could just use a toothbrush on your tongue and not have bad breath.Bristles may be too tough for some people5. SPONGE ROLLERS - Say goodbye to the damaging effects of heat on your mane, and say hello (or meow! in a sex-kittin-ish purr) to your new luscious and *healthy* hair.
MeThinks: A, Yes, baby!
PROS:
Keeps hair healthy - no damaging effects of heatDifferent sized rollers give different effects - wavy, super tight curls, or simply voluminous hairCONS:
Can be a little uncomfortable to sleep inNot an instant styler4. GLYTONE ULTRA HEEL AND ELBOW CREAM - Forget thouse pumice stones and other pre-historic products used on your precious callouses. This cream gives those tools a run for their money.
MeThinks: A+, Works brilliantly!
PROS:
Easy to use - just apply the cream after washing your elbows and heels with soapIt works! Your skin will become soft, supple and free of callouses.No need for additional products- you can literally just use this in place of a moisturizer, exfoliator, and pumice stoneCONS:
Can cause burning, cracking, or drying of your skin - so be careful not to over use3. MUAC PEELS - Glycolic acid, lactic acid, Mandelic Acid, Trichloroacetic Acid - you name the acid, MUAC has got it. Acid peels are every celebrity and millionaire's secret to beautiful, glowing skin. Now you can have it at a cheap price without going to the salon!
MeThinks: A+, Ain't no better peel out there!
PROS:
Work wonderfully - follow the instructions, and you will get great results.Give you a lot of product for your money - they deliver enough product so you can continue doing peels for monthsCheap - especially compared to what you'd have to pay at the salonDon't have to leave your house - you can do these peels whenever you want, wherever you likeCONS:
Can burn your skin badly - these peels are no joke (some of them should only be left on for a minute, max), so follow the instructions carefully2. AERIOLA DYE - Are your aeriola not the perfect shade of pretty pink? Well don't worry, just put on some of Benifit's Balm and it'll add color to your aeriola.
MeThinks: B, Some people need it, others don't.
PROS
Interesting product - if someone is really unhappy with their aeriola color then good to know there's a product like this out there.Cheaper than getting your private part tattoodNo pain at allCONS
1. MY NEW PINK BUTTON LABIA DYE- Finally the number 1 product that you didn't know you needed: My New Pink Button's Labia Dye. This product is easy to use, and claims to "restore the youthful pink color back to your labia." With 3 different colors cheekily named Marilyn, Bette, Audry, and Ginger, your bound to get a teensy bit offended by the sexism and racism being projected by this product.
MeThinks: B+, It works, and I don't care if you think I'm shallow for using it - I like to have my choices.
PROS
It works! My labia is a pretty pink button!Claims to be safe for use on your private areaI bet it could work on your aeriola as wellVariety - this product represents American culture; you can buy it if you want it, and it's good to know you have a choice of changing the color of your labiaDifferent colors - Marilyn's the lightest, Audry is a "bold burgundy pink," Bette is for "dressy black tie affairs," and Ginger was "developed for women of color."CONS
Safety can't truly be guaranteed - it's a relatively new product, so it's a wait and see situationYou don't need it (but again, good to know there's a choice)May project sexism (in addition to wearing makeup, waxing, plucking, tweezing, we have to dye our labia too?) and racism (are darker labia's not pretty?)Be sure to check out some of my other articles!
