A couple of days ago, as I was travelling with friends to attend a dinner party, I witnessed an accident on the road. A car had struck down a bike, causing the rider and the lady sitting on the pillion to fall. Thankfully, no one was hurt badly. As we were driving away, a friend of mine commented that though it was the bike rider's fault for speeding past the red light, the cops would inevitably blame the car driver for the accident. He said this was because a lady was sitting on the bike and they always got special treatment when accidents occur.
Even before I thought it through, I blurted out, "I think that's only fair!". My friend was taken aback and he asked me why I said so. I said, for the amount of physical and mental abuse that women and girls go through every single day on roads, schools, colleges or any other place in the form of molestation and eve-teasing, by comparison a little extra consideration under certain special circumstances for being a girl is not something men should complain about.
Now that didn't go down well with my friend. Before I tell you about his opinion and retaliation, let me clarify that he is one of the few men I have known in my life who really and truly believes as well as treats the women in his life as his equal. He said that a woman's expectation of special treatment is a cause of further damage to her status as an equal gender in the society. He said the only reason that men get the courage to outrage a women's modesty is because women consider themselves weak and don't fight back enough. They live in the fear of oppression that they have been subjected to for decades and a large number of women still abide by the so-called "moral laws of society" where a woman is always expected to behave in a certain way. She is expected to suffer and not talk back.
By now I was in full battle mode and countered that it is easy for men to make such statements. Only a woman would know how it felt when a random stranger walks by her and feels it is fine to feel her up or touch or maybe pass a comment on her appearance. My friend said every girl should stand her ground and, in his words, "kick his balls!".
I told him I have done so, many times. I have, in most cases, fought or stood up to such scumbags. But setting aside the fact that women should fight back, my question was what gives men the right to think that they can molest a girl? Why does the buck pass on to how tough women should be! Why does no one bother why men commit such acts in the first place? What gives them the courage to do so?
My friend agreed that there were such perverted people in this world. But at the same time, women in general have to have a stronger frame of mind to hit out when acts of violence of dignity are carried out against them. He further explained that he wasn't just talking about molestation, eve-teasing or rape. He asked why women in general are expected to play the role of a homemaker. A woman is defined by the man she marries, the children she has and the home she builds. He asked me, " Isn't it true that when two families meet together to discuss a possible alliance between a man and a women, more importance is given to how much the man earns, where he works and what his accomplishments are? In how many households are women expected to be the breadwinner of the family, no matter how talented she may be?"
He continued, "How many of your girl friends tell their parents the truth when they head out to party at a club or go drinking with their friends? Why are they expected to follow a straight line of code while guys are allowed to have a field play and still considered of good character when time comes to settle down? Can the same be expected for a girl?"
He says, "I know it's asking a lot and the world will not change overnight, but if you fight back today, it will change by the time of your children or grandchildren." So I asked him, what we were supposed to do. He countered, "When I was a kid, I saw my mom stand up to her husband to tell him that he was wrong about some issue and she would not stand by it. That was a woman I wanted to salute. That was a woman I would respect. Because she had a view and she stood up for it." He re-encountered that was something that happened at a time when women were expected to be the mute partners. Today, the world has changed a lot. Today, when Sunita Williams hoists the Indian Flag in Space, it becomes national news. Billions of Indians the world over feel proud of the accomplishments of an astronaut with paternal ancestry in India, without caring about her gender!
He says there is hope for the millions of other women in the country too! But they need to change the way the society treats them and thinks about them. And that can only happen when they first change themselves. He said, "Live like a person with equal rights. Forget about what the world and society thinks. Eventually they will also accept your position. They will have to!"
Coming back to the topic that we started off with, he said, "If you say that you deserve extra special treatment just because you face discrimination on some other subject, you are actually taking a price for your trouble and allowing men to even the count! It further establishes your status as a weaker gender in the society. A gender that needs constant help and monitoring! If this attitude remains, it is inevitable that the dominating gender will also feel that they have a right to push and control the so-called weaker sex."
Is it true, I wonder? Have women settled for small favors in return for the badgering we take when it comes to other phases of our lives? Have I actually been strong enough? Have I fought for my rights where it matters? Actually, my question is, will my daughter or granddaughter be content with settling for some special favors or would they rather want to live in a country where they are treated as equals on all levels?!
